Love in the World of Alzheimer's

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Alzheimer's typically causes an individual to forget all but those they see near them regularly, he added. "So, people learn familiarity with the people around them," Reed said, and with that, "they become more comfortable."

The persistence of emotional needs after declines in memory makes some sense on a neurological level, another expert said.

"The Alzheimer's pathology starts in the memory and learning areas of the brain and then spreads," said Dr. Gary Kennedy, director of geriatric psychiatry at the Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "The direction and extent of the spread varies tremendously from one person to the next. For some, their thinking and memory are largely gone, but their emotional expressiveness may be relatively intact."

Emotions may often be less guarded as Alzheimer's advances, with people showing less reticence to express affection, he added. "In some instances, emotional expressiveness may be augmented by the illness -- in other words, inhibitions may be taken away," Kennedy said.

Sexuality can enter the mix as well, and that's where relationships between Alzheimer's-affected patients get more complicated, Schempp said.

Depending on a person' level of cognition, "there's a kind of moral-ethical issue as to when someone can be consensually involved," she noted. "Some nursing homes just categorically say no, other nursing homes work on it on a case-by-case basis. Some nursing homes say no because the families object, and some nursing homes say yes because the families are OK with it."

Schempp said that, in her experience, the adult children of Alzheimer's patients typically have a tougher time accepting this new love than spouses do.

"It's harder for the children -- it's an abandonment, and they feel committed to both parents. How could my mother or father do this?" she said.

That's where educating yourself about the progression of the disease really becomes valuable, she said.

"In our experience, so many people know so little about dementia and yet they are caring for someone with dementia," Schempp said. "It just goes back to the incredible need that we have for people to get informed. It takes a lot of information to really be able to navigate how you care for someone with dementia."

In the end, allowing a loved one to find his or her own peace amid the ravages of Alzheimer's may be the best course to take, Kennedy said.

"As Sandra Day O'Connor and others say, they are just thankful that there is a moment of happiness that comes into their loved one's life," he said.

More information

Find out more about caring for those with Alzheimer's or other illnesses at the Family Caregiver Alliance.